I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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