please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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