My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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