Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
