I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
wanna go halves on a baby?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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