Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
