Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
