PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I intend to get homeless drunk
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
