mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
