And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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