I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
