just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
