Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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