I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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