I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
