Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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