Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
