I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
