I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
