Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
