The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
