Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
