fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
where are you?
Hypothermia
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
