I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
