omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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