shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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