Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
