he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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