If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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