Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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