Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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