I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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