It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
