i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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