oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
