sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
