i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
