I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
