so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
