either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
