I can tuck mytits in my pants
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
