My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
