I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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