I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
