Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
