i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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