I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
