Cold hands, warm shart.
we have officially lost it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
