Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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