It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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