would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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