Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
