I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
