the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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