They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
