I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I am naked and annoyed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
