I need help removing her.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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