He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
