i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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