At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
