we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
