so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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