After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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